She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
