my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
