it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
