but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
