I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize