Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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