Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
