My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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