i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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