i wish my penis had a tongue
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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