He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
