I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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