apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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