I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
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