Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
