Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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