so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
