Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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