I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's just like the Real World with babies
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
