last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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