why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
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