'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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