Apparently you make a good broom.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
