whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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