Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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