I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
