Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it glows. i had to have it.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
