tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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