i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize