Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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