I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
