My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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