Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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