Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize