I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
