new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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