You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
