Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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