She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
