if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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