Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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