oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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