My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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