OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
