Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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