I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
