Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize