Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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