I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
