I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Help. Why am I so naked?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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