Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
