can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize