oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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