You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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