I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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