Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm too high and old for this...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
