just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
