Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
