Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
