We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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