She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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