omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
be right there i have to get my cape
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
