he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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