My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
