If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
