My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
