I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
