my mouth tastes like poor choices
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am available for nakedness
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
