3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
