My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I checked into jail on foursquare
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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