Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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