I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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