The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
