You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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