Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
