Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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