Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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