So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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