i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
