He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He shit in the fireplace
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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