Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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