i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
