After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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