Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
