just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We have so much sex to catch up on
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
