Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
