Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
