just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
