false alarm. still invincible.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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