Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
