so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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