I wish they made helmets for livers.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
