I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
