This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just pee around me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
