I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
