doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We don't watch enough power rangers
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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